Trip to ER with RE...v. scary

2.1.2006
ER @ Childrens, my milk came in.
So, we all went to my post-partum care visit and all was well until the nurse checked Ryan's heartbeat. She heard a heart murmur and pretty much sent us straight over to the pediatrician. The ped heard it too, and sent us straight over to Children's hospital in Seattle. By now I'm completely freaking out and panicking that I have to take my three day old baby to the freaking ER at Childrens. Once we got there (we stopped to pick up my mom and some more stuff, we only thought we'd be out 2 hours), she was checked out by 2 nurses, 3 doctors, a cardiologist and a resident. All agreed that she definitely has a heart murmur and the cardiologist wants to check it out further. So tomorrow we are taking her back to Children's so they can do an ultrasound on her heart and make sure it's something that won't require surgery. They think it's something that will close up on it's own, but to be safe, they want a closer look. I have calmed down a ton, but I am completely freaking out still. I don't want to put the baby down at all (poor daddy has barely gotten to hold her today). I just can't believe that there is something wrong with my perfect little thing. I feel like I've done everything so "right" that it's not fair that something should go wrong with her...it's a terrible feeling. I've spent most of the day crying and I finally crashed out and slept for like 3 hours (the most I've gotten all day). Not to mention, on top of all this, my milk came in today, so poor Ryan's whole feeding thing has been all crazy, plus all the car trips and the poking and prodding and undressing at all the dr.s...long day.