My Piece of Peace

It's not often that I find peace...I live a VERY busy life, and though yes, I do it to myself, I can't help but want a little peace sometimes. This afternoon, after both kiddos (yep, I'm nannying now) had eaten lunch, we headed outside for some much needed Vitamin D direct from my favorite source: the Sun. I didn't realize just how lovely it was outside. We grabbed a beach towel, since it had been pouring only a few hours earlier; pirate's booty, cause it ain't no party without the booty; and bubbles, cause, well, Ry's two. So, I blew bubbles, she chased them, Mr. C watched us and crawled around, and I thought about nothing but these sweet little people in front of me.

Ryan and I laid down on the warm grass, and she snuggled into me. I think one of my favorite feelings in the world is lying in the sun, eyes closed with that super warm feeling that can only come from feeling so peaceful and calm. Bonus points for being on the beach and having warm sand under you, but extra super bonus points for having a snuggly peanut cuddled up on you.

It's so rare that I'm truly not thinking about 60 other things...and this was one of those rare moments. So peaceful, in fact, that I didn't even have the camera. I don't need one though. This is just one of those perfect moments that will go down in memory.

So, even if it was just for a few minutes, I found peace today. I'll take what I can get...

Mute Button

Why don't toddlers come equipped with a mute button? You know, for those days when they're running around like little chickadees while you are pulling your hair out on the couch, dying for a few quiet minutes?

I was lying on the couch after a particularly trying day taking care of two kiddos who DON'T NAP, while RE kept at me: "MommyMommyMommyMommyMomMomMomMomWAKEUPWAKEUPMommyMommyMommyMomMomMom" Well, you get the idea.

Exasperated, I finally hollered back, "Where is your mute button?!"

She matter of factly, and without missing a beat, pulled up her shirt and replied, "Right here, Mommy." Duh. Of course.

I tried pushing her belly button, but apparently, it's broken.

Parenting as competitive sport?

When did parenting become a competitive sport?

As I look through the local free parenting publication, which I happen to think has some well written, well thought out, balanced articles and advice, I start to pay attention to the ads. ALL of the ads. And there are a ton of them. I get it, it’s a free publication…by not paying $3 for this magazine, I pay by having to look at the ads. But they are all for schools, activities, museums, playgyms, shops and photography studios. OK, schools, sure, fine, we all need to send our kids to school eventually. And lord knows that we all love pictures of our kids, and have to buy them toys.

What I don’t get, is when the schedule filling began. I know lots of people who have older kids, elementary-aged, who are in soccer, dance, basketball, tutoring, softball, track, summer camp, winter camp, skiing, snowboarding, and still get straight A’s. Why? Who the hell cares? I roll my eyes at the parent who says she can’t go on a walk with friends because little Susie, who is 3 MONTHS OLD, has swim class. I scoff at the parent who doesn’t want to hang out and just have a playdate (ok, a coffee and chat date for moms) because Johnny, who is 6 MONHTS OLD, has gym class.

Yeah, I’ve signed my kid up periodically for that stuff. I’m guilty. But I don’t buy it. She didn’t walk any sooner (not that I wanted her to) because we spent 3 months, paying through the nose, so we could feel obligated to drive her 15 minutes to climb on stuff for an hour. Oh yeah, and I don’t like zoos (though I’ve tried), and I CANNOT stand children’s music. RE likes Led Zepplin, and I’m cool with that.

It’s not because I’m not competitive. Trust me, anyone who knows me knows I’ll fight a point to the death (yours) and I like to win. I really do. I like success, and I work very hard for my own. Again, anyone who knows me, or has even only met me, knows that I work hard. But I believe firmly that children should have fun. And parents shouldn’t feel obligated to provide that fun for their children. They should have opportunities to make fun for themselves. That’s one of RE’s new words/concepts. Whenever we do something kind of new, or something that she’s deemed as awesome, she looks at me, giggling, and says, “mommy, FUN!” She’s having a blast, and guess what? We’re taking out the trash. Or stacking blocks and knocking them over. Or running through the mall (on a quiet, empty morning).

I had a mellow childhood. I danced. I loved it, but it didn’t rule mine, or I hope, my mom’s life. Sure, she shuttled me here and there, and my brother as well, and we always joked about “mom’s taxi,” but I certainly wasn’t over scheduled. Some of my favorite memories are from just hanging out with my brother, playing in mom’s fabric stash, or sewing, or building forts with the couch cushions, or lining up our stuffed animals for portraits. When I was having trouble with fractions and percentages in math (when WASN’T I having math issues?), my mom took me to Macy’s and taught me how to figure out the sale prices of items by rounding and using 10% as a base. So through shopping, something I “got”, I learned division, multiplication and subtraction. I still love a sale, and I still sort out the discount the same way.

I really do believe that children learn more from everyday activities. There are some schools of thought that support this, like Waldorf and many homeschool systems. Children absorb and learn the tools they’ll need for success in the future from the adults in their lives. RE, at 2, knows that when you shop, you give money, and get a bag or a goody. I’m also trying to teach her that credit cards aren’t really money, though that is a pretty abstract concept for a toddler. We’ll keep reinforcing that as time goes on. If our children are involved in our lives, daily, and at our level, they’ll quickly learn how to act in certain situations, and why sometimes it’s ok to do things differently. If we only ever let them do “their” activities, will they learn that life is all about making them happy, all the time? Probably not, but I’m sick of being looked down on because RE only goes to preschool once a week, and isn’t signed up for gym, dance, art, and storytime. She’ll be OK, and I’ll be a happier mom for it.

Happy New Year!

Wooo...now that the holiday hangover is subsiding, and the wrapping paper is all in the recycle bin, and ALL those darn boxes are gone, we can finally settle back into a little bit of normal. Well, our usual, totally crazy normal, that is.

But, routine is routine, and that's kind of nice. Now, if you knew me before I had a kid, you'd know that I'm the queen of anti-routine. I loved waking up having NO clue what I was going to do on any given day (except work) and lived by that special calendar in my head. Now, I live by that special calender in my phone, and if that doesn't say something is happening, then I guess it's not happening! It's crazy, I tell ya! But toddlers do like routines, and without them, things get a little hectic. She likes her naps, and if she doesn't go down around 1, she starts asking for "nigh, nigh". Poor kid...gone are the days when I could pack a bag full of diapers and head out only to return at 6pm. Not anymore! No more napping in the car, in the sling, in the stroller and everywhere and anywhere. I hate to say it, because I do love my 2 hour "lunch break" but I'll kind of enjoy things when she's done with daytime naps. I know it's a ways off, but still.

Our "giftmas" was great, how was yours? We hung out in our jammies all day, lazed around, took pictures, ate, didn't shower until 4: the usual! Ryan got some neat gifts, like puzzles, doll toys, a ride on trike with no pedals, and books.

And the piece de resistance? Rainboots from Baba. She'd sleep in them if we let her.

Fun at SAM

I decided that rather than host a playgroup at my tiny house, with tons of stir crazy toddlers, we'd take advantage of the free first Thursdays at Seattle Art Museum! And what a blast we all had...there was a super cool kid room, much like a preschool classroom, where the kids all ran around, read books, played with blocks and made music.

When we decided that we (the adults) had enough of the playroom, we packed the kiddos up and wandered around the American and Modern art sections. I don't remember SAM having such a cool exhibit space, or so many great paintings. In fact, I don't think they did last time I was there. I'd now put it at par with SFMOMA, the Philadelphia Museum of Art and the Chicago Art Institute. Pretty cool, but now I know I have to go back without Ryan, and that I'd be more than willing to pay admission for it (though free is nice).

So, pics of the kids enjoying themselves/my own little bit of art:

There's a lot of learning happening here!

So, everyone likes to brag about all the cool things their kids know, like shapes, colors, numbers and the alphabet. My kid kinda knows some of those things, but today, she impressed me, as she often does, with her extensive knowledge of the "world of mommy."

*She showed me today at credit cards (ceh-it cars) go into wallets (wah-yet) and that is money (moh-yee).
*We blow-dried mommy's hair with the blow-dryer (loud), and brushed mommy's hair with the brush (buhsh). We also brushed and dried RE's hair.
*RE brushed Tiny Baby's teeth, and then fed her milk (mil).
*Mommy put on makeup (mahte-uh), Ryan put on makeup (well, pretend). Mommy put on mascara (mah-cara), Ryan let mommy put mascara on her (again, pretend, what kind of nut job do you think I am?).
*Other favorite words and phrases: COFFEE (cohp-eee), beer, wine (wihe), cheese and pasta (cheee an pah-tah), apples and oatmeal (mote-mee).

I asked her at dinner the other night, "Do you still like Big Bird?" She shook her head, yes. I asked if she liked Elmo; again, yes. Clifford? Yep. Clifford better than Elmo? Big yes. Then I asked, "Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?" She shook her head, "no."

Dude, my kid is awesome.

A little overwhelmed...in a good way.

Do you ever just have so much going on, and your brain is racing in so many directions, that it's difficult to think straight? I feel like I have a finger and toe in so many pots, and I know that I need to find some focus, some direction to my little life, but each of these things, despite the chaos they all bring my life, also bring me closer to a kind of peace. I love all of my crazy jobs, and even though I feel like I need to kind of "pick one" I can't, and I won't, and someday I'll just fall over and crash, but until then, I'll keep going, fueled by grotesque amounts of caffeine and chocolate.

I love working at the writing center, and seeing that "AHA" moment on a student's face. That moment when they realize they DO know something, they're NOT stupid, and they CAN write. I had a student walk in one time, tell me she couldn't write, that she was no good at it, and that she'd had terrible grades in this class. She wanted me to help, but didn't want to help herself. I was tempted to tell her, "yep, you're a bad writer, and if that’s what you think, there's nothing I can do for you" but of course, I didn't. I sat her down, told her that we're not going to talk about a) grades or b) negativity. We're instead going to focus on the challenge this prof has offered, and how we're going to work together to get her to rise to that challenge. She told me that the article in question was about some pretty heavy stuff, stuff I'm familiar with, but know I don't have enough understanding of to grapple with. I asked her what that meant, and she replied, "Well, I don't really know".
"Then why write about it?"
"Well…"
"Exactly. If you can't talk about it, you're going to have a helluva time writing about it. So tell me what this article is about."
She went on to tell me all about the article, connect it with some films, and really make some intelligent connections. I repeated everything she said to me, and she was so excited that I gave her so many ideas. But I didn't give them to her, I just allowed her to open up to hearing them. She was so close off when she arrived, that she wouldn't have heard a darn thing I said in those first 5 minutes. She left feeling MUCH more secure about the assignment, and hopefully about the class.

I've got a pile of high school papers to read. These are the honors kids, and I’m hoping I can get through each one with a minimum of crazy citation and grammatical errors. I'm shocked and amazed and a little dismayed at the state of the previous essays I read. I know it's just high school, but sentences people. An essay requires sentences. And please, please, please stop addressing me in your paper. I know it's a small thing, but unless you're writing a "how-to" book, please, stop telling me what to do when I'm reading your paper. There are so many more clever ways to write a sentence! But, I find joy in helping these high schoolers work towards that next step, and I hope to God they figure out how to write and make it into college! If these are their culmination projects, I'd hate to see their application essays!

I just finished up the course work to become a Childbirth Educator. It was truly an amazing, transformative experience, and one that really made me rethink not only my views on pregnancy and the birthing experience, but also the way I'm living my life. Life (and pregnancy, and birth) are all natural, normal occurrences, and our tendency in the US to treat everything as pathological until proven otherwise is tragic. We treat pregnant women as though they are ill, rather than empowering them to believe that the body is designed for this, and through several billion years of evolution, remembers how to do this. Birth is not a place for medicine, it is a sacred place for women and their partners to bring a new life into this world, and should be treated with reverence and grace, rather than I.V.s and Cesareans. I come out of these classes full of passion and fire to spark a revolution in the way we teach Childbirth Education, the way we, as Americans, respond to breastfeeding, and yet knowing that I will be constrained by the rules and obligations of the organization I teach for. If I can empower just one woman to give birth without drugs or medical interventions, then I feel I can begin to make a change. I've gone from having a medicated birth, and birthing a child with an Apgar score of two, to believing that a home birth might just be the right option next time around.

And my little store, who can forget my little shop!? It's a zoo, and I love it. It satisfies my need to work retail, without having to work for "the man", my need to shop without necessarily adding to the clutter in my own life, and my need to help parents make this HUGE transition with style and grace. I know, it's quite an ambition for a little shop that sells baby carriers, but I think big. BIG. And the more into it I get, the more I think it's becoming a reality to open a B&M store. I'd be able to carry all kinds of other helpful items, and offer a really great space for parents to hang out. Not to mention, teach independent Childbirth classes, and be able to actually teach without hospital constraints. And really, in many sense, it'd be easier to be able to leave it all at the store at the end of the day, and then focus on my family at home. The way it's going now, that line is a little blurrier than I'd like.

Volunteering, again, focusing on the parent/baby trio. I love working with this part of the population. It's just such an awesome time for people, and I love being able to be a support for parents at this time. I know what I do at Evergreen is small, but I also know that the program wouldn't run without it's volunteers, so if I can, by proxy, provide that support for parents, then I suppose I am. Besides, the educators at these classes are so amazing; it's inspiring to spend time with them each week.

Oh yeah, and on top of all this, I am working rather diligently to raise a toddler. She's turning out OK, so we must be doing a decent job. I brag about her so much, I'm not even sure what more to say, other than that I love her more than I can put into words, and that I do ALL of what I do to make her world a better place to live. Yeah, I know, idealism, blah, blah, blah, but if you can't start at home, then where the hell are you going to start it?

20.5 months...nearly two?

I cannot believe I have a near two year old, Julie and Annie have near one year olds, Alyssa nearly has a baby, and the world is still turning (hold on!).

So, what is my near two year old up to? We always knew that when she finally started talking, she'd never shut up and she's held firm to my speculation. She yammers on and on, all day, without regard for conversation, or the English language. Who cares about that darn English language when you speak toddler?!

The current word list includes: dinosaur, helicopter, maniac, pasta, banana, apple, bagel, cheese, stroller, car, "our car", blue, green, Clifford, George, Curious George, and many more that I can't think of. She's also getting pretty good with names, and can say, or try to say, most that we encounter. She says Tracy, Wendy, Alena, Owen, Lindsay, Leah, Julie, Luke, and I swear she calls me Katy half the time. Silly kid.


She LOVES to talk to Nonna and Papa on the phone. She'll pick up her faux cell phone, and when I ask her who she's calling, she'll tell me, "Nonna, Papa, Sadie". Or "Daddy" if he's not at home.

I suspect dancing is an inherited trait, since I got it from my mom, and she's apparently gotten it from me. I need to find a mom and me dance class for us to rock out at...or we need to become a fixture on the Baby Loves Disco circuit. There are two new videos up of her rocking out, and if you listen closely on the second one, you'll hear "Maniac" from Flashdance in the background, and her saying, "maniac".

Her current favorite foods include pasta and cheese, though not mac and cheese, but rice pasta and parmesan, and scrambled eggs and applesauce. My kid has an enlightened palette.

When we wake up in the morning, we usually spend some time cuddling in bed, or more realistically, me sleeping and Ry watching Sesame Street. When Elmo is over, she'll try her best to drag me out of bed. Her methods include: poking my face, opening my eyes with her fingers, getting about 1 cm from my face and shouting "mama" at me, yanking the blankets off me, saying "apple" and "hungry" over and over while signing eat and hungry to my sleepy face, and sitting on me. Many times it's a combination of all of these that finally does the trick. Waking up to a stinky-breathed toddler in your face every morning is fun, I swear.

But really, what this all means is that Ryan is truly becoming her own person, full of spit and vinegar, and silly and crazy, a little bit princess, and a little bit maniac. She's pretty fabulous, and pretty fun, and I wouldn't trade her for all the world.

Wow, spell check.

OK, yeah, so I don't use spell check. And maybe I should...this is my formal apology to those 4 or 5 people who read my blogs and are annoyed by my spelling errors.

I am deeply, deeply sorry.

Fall has fallen

Fall has fallen…it's chilly and crispy and I have to wear socks. Ryan stood in the open doorway this morning and hugged herself and said "brrrr." It's so gorgeous though today…the leaves are all starting to turn, the sun is out, and it's one of the PERFECT fall days that reminds me (again) why I do so love living up here. Of course, I love fall for a multitude of reasons, the weather only being one of them…
-My birthday (October 24th) generally a highlight of my year, and I'm no long bitter about being ever closer to 30.
The colors. There is just something spectacular about the reds, oranges, browns and deep greens that makes me smile.
-Back to School. Call me silly, but it's just not fall if I don't have to buy new pens and notebooks. While I've graduated, and am no longer attending the University, I am taking Childbirth Education classes that start this weekend, and of course, I work on campus, so I still get to experience that whole BTS fun.
-Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Um, nothing to say but yum. Thank you Starbucks.
-Holiday shopping, or window shopping this year for me. I love the mall at holiday time, and as you all know, holiday at the mall starts the instant Halloween decorations come down!
-Halloween! Not so much the candy, though mini-chocolate is always a good thing, but the costumes! I used to LOVE all the planning and crafting and sewing that went into creating my costumes, and now I love planning and crafting and sewing RE's costumes. She'll be Rainbow Brite this year. Who cares what mommy will be!
-Thanksgiving. Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, to be precise. Turkey, cranberries, cheesy rolls, stuffing, gravy, I'm salivating typing this. As usual, any orphans are welcome to join us for our official Orphan Thanksgiving.
-Sweaters. I love sweaters, and I love jeans, and I love wearing them.
-Scarves. There's just something classy about wearing a scarf. I love when the weather supports my fashion choices.
-This year, my girly trip to Portland with Julie…I can't freakin' wait. 2 whole days with no kiddo (though I'll miss her). We never do anything without the kids, so it'll be awesome to have a meal and actually enjoy our food without being embarrassed that the whole restaurant is staring at us and our obnoxious children. Yes, we've become THOSE people. The ones we swore we'd never be.