And, she's four...

Wow. Do we really have a four year old? I know we have a new one on the way, but I still can't believe that my first baby is 4 (or that my dog is almost 7). She's an amazing, funny, passionate, imaginative, surly little thing, and for all her challenges, I wouldn't trade her for the world. I've been grading some papers lately, and the high school seniors were asked to write about what love is. Their definitions, though they certainly evoked memories, focused solely on the only thing they can even fathom: romantic love.

What they don't know, the big secret, is that as amazing as it is to find another person to love, and be loved by, your soul mate, or whatever you call it, is that the love a parent has for a child is even more amazing. And the love one develops for the partner who helps you create that child is so much stronger than it could have been without. A parent will truly step in front of a train for their child. Give up nearly everything for that child...make changes she never thought she'd make, and become a person she never knew she could. I have grown so much as a person in the last four years...I barely recognize myself (this is a good thing). Much as I'm always changing and evolving, I feel like I really know myself, who I am, and what I want to be when I grow up someday.

An amazing role model for an amazing girl (and her equally amazing little sibling to come).

And so, Peanut, mama loves you...more than you'll know until you have babies someday. Happy Birthday little one.

Hurry up and wait...

Being pregnant is an exercise in patience. And I'm not a particularly patient person. Now that this pregnancy has progressed to a point where I can no longer forget about it (amazing, I know, but I was so energetic that I'd actually forget I was knocked up), and it's limiting my abilities to do things, I'm ready to be done. No, I'm  not ready for the kiddo to be out, it's not done cooking, but I'm ready for the baby, sure. The house is ready, more or less, my brain is ready, as much as it can be, and Michael, Ryan and I are all so curious about this little creature.

Now, we're antsy.

We've been a whirlwind of activity the last few weeks, doing this, running here, cleaning out that, and now that we're nearly done, it's kind of a let-down. We've run at least one truckload a weekend to the storage unit, and the house is actually starting to look uncluttered. We've given tons of our junk (one man's trash, and all that) to goodwill, and are selling some of the bigger items on craigslist (DVD towers, anyone?). We're picking up the changing table tomorrow...that's the last thing I need to be able to finalize all the baby organization.

What do you do when there's nothing left to do? I'm too tired to go out. We're too busy saving money to buy stuff (that never makes me happy anyway). I love to bake, but have a hard time finding people to eat it all (yay for upcoming birthdays). I'm in the mood to socialize, but in no mood to be around people. Ahhh, the end of pregnancy blahs. I'm really looking forward to this baby being here and feeling a little bit more like myself.

At least we've got Ryan and Michael's birthdays to entertain us in the meantime. And of course, mama will sew, but it's not a whole lot of fun to sew for a child whose gender is unknown to us. So Ryan will get more stuff, no doubt...Sure, I could organize more things, clean out more little nooks and crannies in the house (and I'm sure I will), but I guess I'm getting a little bored of that too. And tired. But it's so nice to have the house all sorted out before our new little whirlwind arrives. The tiniest little people make so much mess (laundry, mostly).

We're ready for you baby...now we've nothing left to do but hurry up and wait.

Out of wrapping paper.

Those that know me well know I love a bit of a Martha Stewart holiday. I like all my presents wrapped in the same paper, my tree decorated in a particular color scheme, and I have pretty strict guidelines on this. So much so that one year, I wrapped all of our gifts in this silver paper with white stars and tied green Pottery Barn twill tape onto each. It was the year after we got married, and we had that twill tape coming out the wahoo (didn't help that as a joke, a friend wrapped up a spool of it for us; he worked there). I loved that silver paper. Ryan's first holiday was entirely wrapped in that paper, and the pictures of the aftermath are some of my favorites.

Holiday 2006

But this year, I ran out.

It was bound to happen. I'd had this SAME ROLL of paper for at least 6 years (yay for Costco wrapping paper). I used it, like I said, for everything. For years. It was even generic enough that I wrapped a few wedding gifts in it. I'm not sure what to do now. I feel a little at a loss...do I buy a new roll of paper to define family holidays for the next 5 years? Or is it time to give up that ideal of the "perfect" holiday and just take it as it comes? Is this a good excuse to look for holiday fabric and make reusable bags for gifts?

Holiday 2007

And in a way, finishing this roll of wrapping paper signifies the end of a few different eras for our family. Michael and I both turned 30 in 2009, saying goodbye (hopefully) to the stupidity and recklessness of our twenties. 2010 will mark the arrival of our second child, and possibly a move into an actual home (one separate from our neighbors). I feel like we've let go of a lot in the last year: things, cars, baggage. And it's helped us to clear the way to move forward.

Holiday 2009, the last present wrapped with this paper.

So, farewell old silver with stars wrapping paper. Though I'll miss you, it's time to move on.

(And for the record, due to pregnancy hormones being in FULL GEAR, I'm crying as I type this. Yes, I'm admitting to crying over wrapping paper. I know it's a metaphor and all that, but geez.)

Holiday recap

The holidays, were, as always for us, a blur. I keep trying to find a way to capture some semblance of slow in a season that seems to thrive on fast, but so far, I've had little success. Between being pregnant (and getting ever moreso with each day), planning for travel, and trying to make most of our holiday gifts, there seemed little time or energy left to enjoy the quiet.

But we made it, we've survived, and as I type, I sit in my parent's living room, thinking about how strange it is to be back "home" when it's not really home anymore. I miss being home. I miss being home for Christmas. It's been lovely to spend the holiday with my family, but it's been hectic.

It all started with the plane ride, always a highlight for Peanut. Though I think she likes the idea of flying much more than being trapped on a plane! The next day, we had pictures taken with the ever fabulous Lori of Images by Lori. If you live in Pleasanton, or anywhere in the Bay Area, really, go see her next time you need family shots, kid shots, belly shots, baby shots, etc. She's truly, truly amazing. Ryan was a grump, but Lori still managed to get some great shots of her, and not only did we get fantastic belly pictures, but Ryan's 4 year pictures as well (it's only a month shy).

Wednesday we went to the Nutcracker in San Francisco. Amazing, as I suspected it would be...the dancers are phenomenal, choreography to die for and costumes were amazing. Ryan, unfortunately, was a little bored. I misjudged her abilities to sit through things like that, plus we met up with Uncle Mike and Aunt Allison as we were going into the show, so I think she was just super excited to see them and had a really hard time sitting still. She ended up dancing in her seat area for most of the show, humming along to the music. Each time a song came out that she recognized, she's whisper-shout "Nutcracker music!". She was also disappointed that she wasn't going to be onstage. I'm not sure how, but she was under the impression that she was going to be on stage in her fancy dress. Maybe in a few years...If I take her again next year, it will probably have to be a children's performance, or at least something a lot less pricey!! Traffic was awful coming home, and Ryan cried for about 40 minutes on the way home. WAY out of character for her...she's usually so easy going. We survived though, and she stayed up far too late playing with her Aunt and Uncle.

We did Christmas Eve as our big food/present day, and had a blast. Michael and I took over the kitchen, and cooked up quite a meal. Mike and Allison brought a fantastic butternut squash soup along with an apple crisp dessert, and helped us in the kitchen. The four of us had a great time, and it was another opportunity for Michael and I to spend a little more time with our sis-in-law. We're so glad she chose to join our crazy family...

Ryan loved opening presents from everyone, including the highlight of the day, her new bike from her Aunt and Uncle! The bike is awesome, and she loves riding it. It's a big girl bike, 2 wheels with training wheels, and we're still working on a plan to get it back to Seattle.

Christmas Day we all crept downstairs to see if Santa had in fact come to Nonna and Papa's house...he did!! Mommy and daddy are mean, and made her wait for us to brew coffee before we'd let her open anything, but she was patient. And as she was slowly opening her gift, she was telling Nonna and Papa all about how she asked Santa for a cash register and she realized what she was opening. She got SO excited, shouting that Santa did get her letter, and did bring her what she'd asked for and it was so cool and Santa is so cool, etc, etc, etc. It was sweet to see her so excited about all of it. She's at such a cool age for all of this. She got lots of other fun gifts from Nonna and Papa, and mommy and daddy. She also enjoyed handing presents around to everyone else.

This morning, we headed over to Vic's in Ptown for a fantastic breakfast. Standard issue eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast and yum, was it good stuff! We'll be heading back tomorrow for brekkie with a crew of old friends, some of whom we haven't seen in ages. We love how we can connect with this group, and it's like no time has passed, and yet we all mesh seamlessly into one another lives, still. We're older, chubbier, have kids now (or don't, and to be fair, some are thinner), and yet, are still entirely relevant to one another. It's really astonishing to see how connected we've stayed over the years.

And in the end, it's that connectedness that makes the holidays what they should be. Whether busy, slow, mellow or crazy, connecting with friends and family is what it's all about.

Because I couldn't have said it better...

I'm sharing what a friend wrote today. I know it's been a while since I've blogged, and I'll get on that sooner than later, but Heidi of Silly Goose Baby blogged the other day about something I've mused rather heavily on for a while. And she said it better than I could have. Enjoy it.

Minor Remodel

Michael and I went all If You Give a Mouse A Cookie on our bathroom this weekend. Whoops.


It started with a sink given to us by friends. We looked at installing that, but alas, it was smaller than the hole in our counters. So, we thought, let's replace the counter. Easy, peasy, right? Sure, would have been. But then we decided to replace the whole bathroom cabinet. It was relatively cheap at Lowe's, and black, which matches the mirror we love. So, we get home, rip out the old cabinet, and discover the ickiest flooring EVER underneath the cabinet. So, we figure, let's replace the floor, too! We'll just do vinyl, but a nicer vinyl than what's there, and it'll look a million times better. Only vinyl is expensive. Almost as much as tile. So, we decide to do tile. But, as it's already 2pm on a Sunday, the tile will have to wait for another weekend.

We return home to install the other faucet in the other sink in the vanity. M pulls out the old faucet, and starts to clean the holes in the old sink, only to discover that it's actually got holes rusted in it. Yep, totally rusted out. Like, wonder how we were lucky enough that it didn't leak. So, back off to Lowe's for a new sink. One that fits. And he forgets the connector piece that will make it work. So, for now, we have one bathroom sink (which is enough), and tomorrow the other will be functional.

I love that we go to Lowe's for a piece of counter, and leave with: a new bathroom cabinet, plumbing accessories, a new rug for the living room, and ideas coming out the wahoo! Next big project? Kitchen counters.

Fall is here...

Summer's been busy, and blogging's been slow, but I'm hoping that a slowdown in activity of late, and a general love for fall will spark my interest in writing again. Plus, for those who don't know, I'm knocked up, and being knocked up gives me something new to write about. How knocked up am I? About 15 weeks...so no, not quite in Puerto Rico, this one is a post-vacay baby (wink, wink).

So, the haps on the pregnancy...so far, so good. Baby's doing well, mama's surviving, despite the inability to nap whenever I feel like it, or to eat whenever I feel like it. That's probably the biggest difference between this one and the last. I'm exhausted, as I was when I was pregnant with RE, but I can't just crash on the couch whenever I feel like it. I've got another human to attend to (or two, depending on the day). I also can't eat strange food whenever I want, simply because it's not as easy to get at strange food at all times of day or night, and Michael is much less amenable to driving around at 10pm looking for Frosties and grapefruit. Apparently he thinks I'll survive (doesn't he know?).

This birth will happen at Puget Sound Birth Center, under the care of midwives, and hopefully using HypnoBabies techniques to stay calm and collected during contractions. I'm hoping for, but not betting on a quick labor (only because Ryan was)...and trying to not get my hopes up. I'm also not getting my hopes up for an early baby again. Really, what are the odds? I'm excited to give birth with fewer (no?) interventions, and to really find a way to trust that my body can do this (it's done it before). I'm also looking forward to experiencing another birth...I'm sure that sounds strange to many, but for someone like me, who's life's work is now teaching about and supporting a physiological childbirth, I'm looking forward to experiencing one. I'm also, of course, looking forward to a new squishy, snuggly newborn in the house, and though I know it'll be challenging, I can't wait to sling a newborn again, nurse a newborn again, and just generally snuggle with a tiny. Ryan's also really excited to be a big sister, and thinks it's a girl (or just really wants it to be). We won't be finding out at the ultrasound this time, so we'll find out in March/April!! Also looking forward to that surprise, and experiencing that differently too.

Fall always brings change, and with that this blog will not only be about our family, and all the crazy that is us, but also about my crafts and sewing. I was trying to run them separately, but it just ain't happening, because, well, I can't separate one from the other! Crafting is life, sewing is life, and family is life, and they don't easily come apart. So look for fun crafty stuff and ideas on this blog going forward.

I owe First Day of School Pictures!

She had a fantastic day...loves preschool. She asks almost every night if the next day is "preschool day" and she can't wait to keep going back. She thoroughly enjoys playing with whatever messy art project is available for the day, and every morning, heads straight to the little table with the "flubber" (weird gluey/playdough-ish contcoction) to play for a bit before moving onto what's next. Each day, when she gets in the car, the first thing she tells me about school is what they've had for snack. Day one: goldfish. Day two: graham crackers. Apparently, preschool is pretty awesome because they have good snacks. Sometimes she'll tell me more, sometimes not. Usually it'll come out as the day progresses. I think it's a lot for her to process all at once and she needs some quiet time to reflect on her day.

What I find fascinating about the whole thing is that this is the beginning of my little girls' school career. She's three and a half, and will be in school for the next 15 years. FIFTEEN! And of course, this has me thinking about the state of public schools, and how we, as parents, will be able to help her succeed despite what's happening in the schools these days (maybe by the time she gets to high school, a "D" will no longer be considered passing). It's a lot to process, and though it seems as though we have tons of time, we don't. Kindergarten is a mere 2 years away, and as is the truth in parenting, the days are long but the years are short.

And for those who were wondering, despite my insane pregnancy hormones, I DID NOT cry on the first day of school (or the second, or the third). Really, Ryan and I were both very ready for this, and I've been enjoying my quiet time to get things done as much as she's enjoying the time to learn and play with other kids her age.

A new coat for Peanut

In honor of the fall weather that's trying SO hard to creep into our lives (I'm welcoming it, but apparently I'm the only one), I whipped up a quick little coat for RE. Well, actually, this is a practice run, made from some totally adorable $1/yd IKEA fabric. The REAL coat will come soon, made from some fabulous loden green vintage wool given to me by my granny, but I wanted to try the pattern first on some less important fabric.

I've been trying hard to muster up energy these days (many of you know I'm a little bit knocked up at this point), and today, thanks to a lovely nights sleep and an at-home-husband, I found it!

RE loved it, which is always a bonus...I love that she's still of an age where she likes that I can make her things. I know that someday this will go away (maybe not though) and I'm enjoying and taking advantage of it while I can!

And, a nod to that summer weather that just won't quit:

RE's last ballet class

The days of my daughter being a ballerina are on hold for now. Her second series of classes ended today, and seeing that preschool starts in 3 weeks (OMG!!), we're putting ballet on hold for now. I don't think it's going to derail her chances of joining PNB.

On the last class of each series, the parents are invited in to watch. We normally have a 6"x3' window in the door to watch through, and this is a good thing. The girls are less distracted, and actually pay attention to the teacher. When we're in there, all hell breaks loose and it's like herding cats in tutus.

I don't think she'll miss it...and if she does, we'll look into trying it again. She enjoys it, and shows me the things she does in class, but I think she may be more of a tap girl than a ballerina. We'll see!

Ryan and her little pals, Clara and Caroline (which sometimes turns into "Claraline).